In March 2020 my father was diagnosed with stage IV pancreatic cancer. In May 2020 he passed away during emergency surgery. I was 17 years old at the time. Going through that time was incredibly difficult for me. I felt like there was no one that was able to relate with the struggles I was facing. I didn’t want to be looked at in a different light and I didn’t want to hear whispers around the halls about being the girl who had lost her father. I went about avoiding these occurrences in the wrong manner. I pushed all my feelings down and tried to distract myself through hanging out with friends.

Once I got to College, I found an organization called Kesem in the instagram bio of someone that I had recognized in my class. I was intrigued by the idea of a club for kids that have been affected by a parent’s cancer. Motivated by the fact that I did not have many college friends and the fact that I wasn’t involved much in the university, I decided to push myself to do the unspeakable — Join the club. I applied to be a counselor thinking I would be a great addition to the club, the other counselors and the campers, of course.

Im sure I made some impact on the kids this first year but I’ve recognized that the kids impacted me more than I could ever imagine. During that first week I bawled my eyes out listening to some of their stories and seeing how strong they all were. 6, 7, 11, 14, were some of the ages of the kids that had shared their testimonies. Astonished by their strength and empowered by their vulnerability, I decided to open up as well. Talking publicly about my father was not something I was accustomed to nor comfortable with but I felt like this was the opportunity.

After that week, I have never been the same. Feeling my emotions regarding the situation was hard but needed. I had removed memories of a part of myself in order forget the hole that had become so noticeable in my heart. Although I was nervous and scared to share my story, I never felt alone. Hugs and kind words followed after my story and I felt community.

Since that first experience at camp, I knew I was in it for the long run. I knew that if it meant that much to me as a 19 year old, it would be a great deal for the campers. I wanted to create an environment where campers can feel supported and loved. Where they don’t have to feel different or isolated. Where they can feel just like a kid again without having to push away the deeper emotions of what may be going on at home. At Kesem we acknowledge the pain but we don’t let it consume us.

With all of that said, I made it my goal to stick with Kesem throughout college, no matter how hard and time consuming. It was not an easy journey as a pre-med biology major but I was able to do it with the support of the team. My roles on exec were: Teen Leadership Program Coordinator (sophomore year), Operations Coordinator (Junior Year), and Director (Senior year).